The Janitor's Closet of Secrets
by Mystic Dragon2
Summary: Wee! A decent parody of HP2! You'll like it, I swear. Read all the wackiness in the HP universe put together into a fanfic!!


Harry Pothead  
  
In  
  
The Janitor's Closet of Secrets  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
Do I own HP? Do you REALLY think that I am JK Rowling? Do you think so? DO YOU?  
  
If yes: How very sad. How INCREDIBLY sad. Let's hope our paths don't cross. If no: You're learning. Let's go!  
  
--------------------------  
  
Shawn: Welcome everyone, to this week's exciting new parody. Jonathon: Hi!  
  
Karen: We'll get right to the point on the cast listing. Jonathon: Hi! Jessica: I'm happy as long as I don't get the part as the ghost. Jonathon: Hi!  
  
Keith: Why does he keep saying hi?  
  
Shawn: Dunno. He can't seem to stop. Now, let's get right into the casting.  
  
----------------  
  
Shawn: Harry Pothead  
  
Jonathon: Ron Weasel  
  
Karen: Hugeheiney Grangy  
  
Jessica: Moaning Myrdrule  
  
Keith: Dra-ho Mucus  
  
Renee: Hagrid  
  
Matt: Albass Dumb-as-a-door  
  
Yugi: Mr. Evil Person Riddle  
  
Elora: Elora Screams-at-Strange-Moments  
  
Mrs. Walker: Doodly Fatass  
  
Wyatt: Booby the Stinky House Elf  
  
-----------------  
  
Jessica: You know, I could've SWORN I said I didn't want to be the ghost.  
  
Shawn: (pretending not to hear) what?  
  
Jessica: (mumble mumble *BEEP* mumble mumble)  
  
Jonathon: Hi!  
  
Karen: Can Renee be a man?  
  
Renee: (In man voice) I am a man!  
  
Shawn: (Yuck. let's just get this story started)  
Part I  
  
(It's a nice quiet day in Fatass Household. Shawn is coming down for breakfast. The Fatass' look at him in disgust)  
  
Mrs. Walker: You are a freak. I hate you.  
  
Mr. Fatass: So do I.  
  
Mrs. Fatass: Me too.  
  
Shawn: That's fine, but can't you at least come up with more exciting dialogue then that.  
  
(Mrs. Walker turns sharply, and her fat smacks Shawn and sends him flying against the wall.)  
  
Shawn: Pain.. Pain. pain..  
  
Mr. Fatass: Well, Harry. why didn't you use your MAGIC to stop that?  
  
Mrs. Fatass: I WARNED YOU NOT TO SAY THAT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!  
  
(She pulls out a frying pan and starts chasing Shawn with it)  
  
Shawn: I didn't say it! Mr. Fatass did!  
  
Mrs. Fatass: Talking back now are we? YOUR ASS IS MINE!  
  
Shawn: Eek!  
  
--------------------  
  
(Later that day)  
  
Mr. Fatass: Now, I got a very important client coming today. He may be interested in a very large amount of my women's lacy underwear. Now, let's go over the routine. Mrs. Fatass.?  
  
Mrs. Fatass: I will be backing, slipping drugs into the food so he's so dazed that he won't even notice if we charge him double.  
  
Mr. Fatass: Good. good. And you, Doodly.? (Turns to Mrs. Walker)  
  
Mrs. Walker: I will be ready to show them the lacy pair I have on. (Pulls up his shorts revealing a black lace panty)  
  
Mr. Fatass: Very nice, very nice. And you, boy? (Twitches his eye at Harry)  
  
Shawn: I'll be in my room, pretending I'm not there and won't be talking to a house elf at all.  
  
Mrs. Walker: Someone's been reading ahead.  
  
Shawn: (acts innocent)  
  
Mrs. Fatass: Listen, just do your damn thing up there. I'll be preparing huge lovely decorated cake so if it gets ruined through some magical accident I can justify my tearing off your head.  
  
Shawn: NOW who's been reading ahead?  
  
Mr. Fatass: Shut up and go to your room!  
  
Shawn: Mutter mutter.. *BLEEP* mutter.  
  
(Doorbell rings. Mrs. Walker aims her ass at Shawn and smacks him with it so he flies up the stairs and into his room.)  
  
Shawn: You coulda just told me to walk up there! (Notices someone is in his room) Oh my god! It can't be!! It's Celine Dion!  
  
(Wyatt is waiting on the bed, very very short and stinky with only a ragged pillowcase around him)  
  
Wyatt: (In a high and girly voice) No no sir, meesa just an untidy smelly elf  
  
Shawn: Same thing.  
  
Wyatt: Messa gots an importants message for yousa.  
  
Shawn: Well if SOMEONE doesn't stop speaking like Jar Jar Binks, then you're going to need an Emergency Room.  
  
Wyatt: Er. *cough* I came here to warn you.  
  
Shawn: (holding his nose) warn me of what? Come any closer and the stench will knock me out?  
  
Wyatt: No sir! There is a terrible evil happening at HogsHaveWarts School!  
  
Shawn: Are the teachers going at it again?  
  
Wyatt: No, no. something much worse.  
  
Shawn: Well. what's going to happen? Out with it!  
  
Wyatt: I can't, sir, it would kill my air of mysteriousness. But, follow me! (Bounds down the stairs)  
  
Shawn: Hey! Wait! (Chases after him)  
  
(Shawn catches up with him, and Wyatt is making the cake float using some magic he has. Shawn gasps.)  
  
Shawn: Gasp!  
  
(See? What'd I tell ya?)  
  
Shawn: What are you doing?!  
  
Wyatt: I dunno, I just want to screw you over.  
  
(Wyatt makes the cake fall, and then quickly disappears. Shawn curses angrily.)  
  
Mr. Fatass: HARRY!!!  
  
Mrs. Fatass: (obviously lying) I SO did not see that coming!  
  
Shawn: Not good.  
  
(Just then an owl swoops in through the window, poops on Shawn, then flies back out)  
  
Shawn: (covered in owl poop) Well that was kinda pointless.  
  
(The client runs shrieking like a girl from the room)  
  
Client: I HATE OWL POOP!  
  
Shawn: What was the point of that one, also?  
  
(Mr. Fatass grabs Shawn and drags him into his room. The next day he sticks bars on the window, padlocks his door, gives him a bucket to go in, rigs dynamite up to the doorknob, puts the Olsen Twins on TV, and other insanely cruel stuff.)  
  
Shawn: Well this sucks. I haven't felt this bored since the time I was forced to go see Pyromaniacs on Ice.  
  
(Cut to scene of Shawn watching ice skaters holding flaming torches skating around. One of them drops the torch and melts a big hole in the ice, then everyone falls in it and their torches melt more ice, and soon the entire ring is water.)  
  
Shawn: (shouting to the skaters) Aw C'mon! Didn't you see that coming! Mrs. Walker: Shaddup.  
  
(Back to the present)  
  
Shawn: Well, thanks for the trip down memory lane.  
  
(There is a loud roar sound from the window, and Shawn rushes to it to find a monster truck floating there.)  
  
One-Of-The-Twins-That-No-One-Can-Tell-Apart: Hey, Harry. We came to get you.  
  
Jonathon: Hi!  
  
One-Of-The-Twins-That-No-One-Can-Tell-Apart: Oh no.. don't get him started.  
  
Jonathon: Hop on in.  
  
Shawn: Um. I can't. (Throws a paper clip at the window. It melts into liquid before it even touches) These are some sick people.  
  
Jonathon: Oh don't worry. Microsoft makes them. There'll be a bug soon.  
  
(Sure enough, the bars crumble apart and self-destruct after a little while.)  
  
Jonathon: Ok, hop in.  
  
Shawn: But I gotta get my stuff.  
  
Jonathon: Don't worry, we edited out the scene where your stuff is locked downstairs.  
  
Shawn: (looking over the script) Damn. you're right.  
  
Jonathon: All right, hurry your ass up.  
  
Shawn: Just one second. (Shouting) HEY! FATASS FAMILY! I'M LEAVING! HAHA!  
  
(From behind the door, loud cursing is heard then the sound of the doorknob- touch activated bomb going off)  
  
Mr. Fatass: OW! DAMMIT!  
  
Shawn: Haha..  
  
(The Fatass' blow the door open. Their silhouettes dramatically show through the dust as it settles. By the time the dust clears, Shawn's gone.)  
  
Shawn: (moons them as they drive away)  
  
(Shawn, plus all of the Weasel brothers that came are flying in the sky. They're about to fly up into the sky when Shawn stops them)  
  
Shawn: Um. Do you think we could.Uh.  
  
Jonathon: No problem.  
  
(The-Twins-That-No-One-Can-Tell-Apart pilot the car into the crowded parking lot of a mall. They drive their monster truck over them, crushing them with their 20-foot in diameter wheels)  
  
Shawn: Woohoo! I always wanted to do that!  
  
(They continue flying. Occasionally one of them would spit over the side, or drop their garbage over the edge, hoping they hit something. Finally, they got to the house.)  
  
Shawn: (getting out) That was fun.  
  
(All of a sudden the ground starts to rumble.)  
  
Mrs. Weasel: FE FI FO FUM! I SMELL THE BLOOD OF THREE WEASELS WHO ARE ABOUT TO GET THEIR ASSES KICKED FOR FLYING THE MONSTER TRUCK!  
  
Jonathon: Dammit.  
  
END OF CHAPTER 1  
  
Shawn: Well, join us for chapter 2!  
  
Jessica: I said I didn't want to be the ghost! I know you heard me!  
  
Karen: I want a raise!  
  
Jonathon: Can I pee over the edge of the car while it's in the air?  
  
Keith: Can I be tall in this story?  
  
Renee: I'm a man!  
  
Matt: Duh.. Duh..  
  
Wyatt: Where's the nearest shower?  
  
Yugi: It's time to D-D-D-D-Duel!  
  
Elora: (screams and faints for no reason)  
  
Shawn: Hmm. I think I'll just end this scene now. Bye everyone!  
  
(Disappears. Quickly reappears make, flicks his wand and makes Keith grow taller by ½ an inch, then disappears again)  
  
Keith: ALL RIGHT!!!  
  
NOTE: Elora faints at the site of overflowing toilets also, BTW. It's her real life fear.  
  
Review. Pay no attention to the dragon menacingly looking at you in the background. He means no harm.  
  
Dragon: (Make strangling motions with his hands)  
  
And don't worry about the army of Orcs either.  
  
Orcs: (holds up a stuffed doll with 'YOU' written on it, hung be a noose)  
  
*Ahem* So review. 


End file.
